The Opportunity of Empathy

The other night I enjoyed seeing my three-month-old grandson on a video call. His mom had placed him on a blanket, and he happily waved his arms and legs in spasms of discovery. It all seemed so simple and cute, but this innocuous activity is strengthening a mind-body connection that may one day enable him to play a sonata, plant a vegetable garden, or tussle the hair of his own children.

There is something special about the connection of the mind to the parts of the body, but it is so pedestrian that we hardly contemplate it. When a person catches a ball, ties a shoe, or handles a fork, the hand manifests the intent of the mind in a beautiful symphony of motion. No conscious thought is required for this magic, as the system of hand and mind has been built up through years of practice and feedback.

While the hand ably and willingly follows the will of the mind, the hand is no slave to be abused. The mind will just as automatically protect from danger, yanking it away or treating it gently when it becomes sore or tired. Again, this happens without conscious effort because it is highly practiced.

Expanding Outwards...

This powerful connection is not limited to parts of the body. Consider your ability to write on paper. The thousands of hours you spent as a child playing with crayons, pens, and pencils have made you adept with any writing tool, such that you can automatically scrawl out letters as if the pen itself were an extension of your body. Musicians, athletes, vehicle operators- they often describe their particular instruments as extensions of self. Some believe this mental feat is what super-charges tool use in humans. Let's keep going...

We interact daily with other human beings as we try to accomplish goals. We think of something, communicate it, and the other person makes it happen. In this way, other people are like powerful tools that can help us magnify our effort. And yet, people are not objects; they have a mind of their own as well as their own goals and desires. Just as we take special care of our own hands or prized instruments, the people we work with require similar respect and care.

Remember my grandson waving around his arms and legs trying to figure them out? This is what we are doing as adults with the people around us. We press too hard or too softly, we miscommunicate, or perhaps hit a sensitive spot. It is wonderful and amazing that whole people are cooperating with us, but we become perplexed on how to make that cooperation as seamless and mutually beneficial as the relationship of our brain to our hand. What do we do? How do we get the relationship to work well?

Look back at your hands for a clue on how relationships might thrive. You regularly put your hands through strain (and even some pain) as you work, but you know the limits of your hands and you treat them carefully. You may wash them, apply lotions, trim fingernails, wear gloves, warm them up, get a pedicure, etc. You understand intuitively both what your hands can do and how they want to be treated. This ability of the mind to sense the state of something else and understand what it wants and needs – this is what I call empathy.

You have empathy for your hands, but you might not notice because it is completely automatic. You learned it when you were a baby. The pain receptors in the fingers are efficiently connected to a mind tuned to avoid pain. You naturally protect your hands, and yet you also use them regularly to interact with the world. This is the nature of an empathic connection: a tuned balance of utility and protection that results in a powerful synergy of mind and hand, each assisting the other.

With people, the abilities are greater, but the communication is much slower and more complex. We have to cope with language that is imprecise, guarded, and sometimes even deceptive. We often have to intuit the mental and physical state of others. We have to allow for the will of another human being. Nevertheless, just as with the mind and hand, the effectiveness of any group of people depends on a highly empathic feedback loop.

We at Empathetic Insights have devoted our approach to empathic interaction, believing it to be the bedrock philosophy for any company desiring to build a satisfied and productive team. In our media, communications, and coaching, we will return consistently to the practice of empathy as the key understanding to illuminate all else. We look forward to working with you, learning from you, and helping you achieve your vision.